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Lessons in Life 1
Love Techniques
Lessons in Life 2
For your co-workers
Hamudistan Facts

1. Obviously you're unable to assimilate my stimulating concepts into your blighted and retarded world-view.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

4. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

5. I have plenty of talent and vision.  I just don't give a fuck.

6. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid. 

7. What am I ? - Flypaper for freaks!?

8. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

9. I'll give you a nice, shiny quarter if you'll go away.

10. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

11. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.

12. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 

13. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

14. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 

15. How about never?  Is never good for you?

16. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

17. You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication

18. You're just jealous because the little voices talk to ME.

19. Are you a fucking ray of sunshine every day?

20. I'll have my people fuck your people.

21. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

22. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

23. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

24. Who me?  I just wander from room to room.

25. My toys!  My toys!  I can't do this job without my toys!

26. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

27. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

28. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

29. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. 

30. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.